Hot Weather Across the U.S. Caused by Russian Weather Machines

(The original article first appeared on April first – as an April fools joke, but now the story is being revised to reflect the oppressively hot summer weather that most people are experiencing across the northern hemisphere, and it may not be a joke!)

NOVY URENGOI, Russia – The small northern town of Novy Urengoi in the republic of Russia is located far north of the Artic Circle. The majority of the 3000 inhabitants wear heavy polar bear fur coats year-round, and seldom speak for fear that their tongues will freeze. They shake their heads up-and down to signify approval, and side-to side to signify disapproval.

Even summers are cold there, but that doesn’t keep the locals from having tremendous fun. Some of the best known festival games are ice flow racing, babushka fashion shows, and Sarah Palin joke-a-thons. The locals are a fun loving people and love to laugh when they know that they have little chance of having their mouth freeze or of getting frostbite of the face.

Things in this idyllic Northern Russian town have drastically changed and become much more militarized over the last few months, as President Vladimir Putin has installed weather machines (an example of which is shown in the accompanying photo), known as Global Long-range Operation of Weather, or GLOW. The system beams high-frequency radio signals into the upper atmosphere in an area called the ionosphere. The air molecules are normally disassociated at that altitude because of low air pressure and because of the Sun’s energy unabatingly striking them. Some charged subatomic particles are removed from the atoms. The additional energy transmitted from the Russian weather machine exasperates this effect, and since the GLOW beam can be narrowly directed across the sky, Russian scientists are able to change the upper atmosphere conditions in specific locations, which in turn changes lower altitude temperatures, thus having effects on weather patterns on the ground. Recently, the West has been instrumental in applying sanctions to Russia, and President Putin has ordered that the weather changes be directed toward the United States and its allies. (You may have noticed extreme temperatures.) The energy beams have been directed to mainly cause weather disruptions near Washington and the East Coast of America, but can effect temperatures anywhere in the world. President Trump has been contacted for his comment on this story. The White House calls it “fake News” and an updated April fools joke.

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